Sharing In My Son's World

The other night I attended a Video Games Live event. Not an event that I would have considered on my own to attend. My son bought tickets. He invited me to go. I went - to spend time with my him.

What a fun time we had. My experience with my son will be one of many wonderful memories sharing in something that he enjoys.

The Video Games Live tour was a concert. A concert consisting of an orchestra, a choir, an opera singer, a blind-folded keyboardist, and much more amazing talent.

I was highly impressed. This was truly a cultural experience that would appeal to all ages.

The best part of the night was that my son wanted ME to be there with him.

I loved spending time with my son; doing something that he likes.

Be a part of your child's world and they'll want to be a part of yours.

I love you Jonathan!

Sharing the Cooking

When Mark & I were first married we didn't cook. Mark would barbeque and I would bake. Other than that we would eat out.

Once we had children, we started having supper at home. And I did the cooking.

I don't like making supper. Actually, I don't like planning what to make for supper. We struggled with my lack of organization and lack of creativity.

After we'd been married over ten years, my job was relocated to Kingston, an hour away from home. With my new working hours, Mark took over the supper preparation. The children and I both were very pleased with this new arrangement. Supper became something we looked forward to.

Mark enjoys cooking and I am quite happy to show my appreciation by doing the after-supper clean-up.

Our schedules have now made it challenging for either of us to be tied to the kitchen. We have now adopted a new routine and are sharing the cooking with our children.

Tonight was Brittany's night to cook. She enjoys learning new cooking techniques from her Daddy.

This evening's menu was:

Stuffed Tortellini with a Marinara Sauce and Caesar Salad

Sarah Turned 19!

My daughter Sarah turned 19 last week.

Turning 19 is a big deal in Ontario, Canada for most teens. Nineteen is the legal drinking age.

I understand that a lot of teens do not wait until they are 19 to drink alcohol. I work in a high school and...I actually remember what it was like to be a teen.

Mark and I learned of an interesting parenting technique several years ago. Long before our children reached high school. We learned it from our Pastor and his wife. And they in turn learned it from another set of parents, who had successfully applied this strategy to their own children (who are now grown and married.)

The plan....bless your child with a substantial amount of money for not giving-in to the peer pressure of under-age drinking. Sound silly??

The idea is that, if your child is having to deal with any pressure from 'friends' to drink, they can turn them down more easily. The cost would be just too great.

Our plan with our children is to give them $1000 on their 19th birthday. $500 for not drinking before 19 and another $500 for not smoking.

It makes it much easier for them to fight against any peer pressure. If someone is offering them a drink they can say 'No, it would cost me too much money.'

Sarah actually told us a while before her birthday that she didn't want the money. She hadn't found that 'not drinking' and 'not smoking' had been a challenge. However, we felt it important to honor our original commitment. Our children need to know that their parents have integrity.

So, Sarah received a $1000 cheque for her 19th birthday. Even though, she didn't find avoiding peer-pressure to be difficult, we are still very proud of her for her choices.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

Parenting on Purpose

The basics of being purposeful in your parenting is quite simply PRAYER.

If you have ever prayed for your children, then you have chosen to be purposeful in your parenting.

Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord.
Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children.
Lamentations 2:19

When we pray, we are saying, "I can't do this without You."

I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
Matthew 18:18 (NIV)

God gives us authority on earth. When we take that authority, God releases power to us from heaven.

Why should I pray? God knows my needs.

God knows our thoughts and our needs, but He responds to our prayers. He always gives us a choice about everything, including whether we will trust Him.

All that needs to happen in our lives and the lives of our children cannot happen without the presence and power of God.

Prayers for my youngest daughter Brittany began before she was born. My oldest child Sarah was four years old. She decided that she wanted her Daddy and I to have another baby. During bedtime prayers she began to pray that I would get pregnant. Sarah was consistent. One year later, her prayer was answered. Mark and I were so excited to let Sarah know that we were going to have another baby.

He hath blessed thy children within thee.
Psalm 147:13

A new prayer developed. Sarah wanted the baby to be a baby sister. (Apparently, her little old brother was not all that she had hoped for.) Bedtime prayers now included a daily request for the baby to be a girl.

We did not find out ahead of time what the gender of the baby was. Actually, we didn't know the gender of any of our babies before they were born.

As the end of my pregnancy was drawing closer, I thought I should prepare Sarah for the possibility that she might get another little brother. Sarah told me that she knew she was having a baby sister. Sarah was determined that since God answers prayer, she would be getting a sister.

I was concerned for my daughter. I didn't want her to reject the baby or worse blame God for an unanswered prayer.

My concerns were completely unwarranted. God answered a little girl's prayer. On October 28, 1995 Sarah received the baby sister that she had earnestly been praying for.

The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16

Brittany's sheer existence started with prayer.

Children are a gift from God. Given to us to care for and to raise.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

When we depend on God to enable us to raise our child correctly, He will see to it that our child's life is blessed.

RhondaY

Guidance

Parenting on Purpose means being intentional. Not allowing things to just happen by chance.

Our oldest daughter is in college now along with her dearest and closest friend. They are taking the same course and most days ride to school together. I love seeing them in the morning and joining in on their girlish interaction. This friendship began in grade two!

Our second child, our son, has remained very close with friends that he has made since kindergarten. And another close friend that moved to our area while he was in elementary school. My son is now in grade eleven.

These friends have attended the same church and the same schools.

These friends have been a part of our family.

I remember years ago commenting to my dear friend and pastor's wife how coincidental it was that our church seemed to have so many girls the same age as my daughter Sarah and so many boys the same age as my son Jonathan. (Our pastor's family has a daughter the same age as Sarah and a son the same age as Jonathan.) My dear friend let me know that it was no coincidence. She had been praying that God bring friends into the church for her children.

Thank you God for making us a part of her answered prayer and allowing us to benefit too.

Our youngest daughter also has some wonderful friendships. Good friends whose homes we can feel comfortable with her being in.

Friends influence friends. Don't you want your children to be making good choices? Then help them to choose good friends!

Our children need our guidance and want to know their boundaries. It is our love language to them.

Sarah recently volunteered at the high school where I work. (The high school that she graduated from in June.)

The school was putting on a play, actually a large production, and I suggested that she help out with the hairdos. (She is quite talented with a curling iron.) It is our responsibility as parents to help our children realize all of their giftings.

My husband and I feel it is important to give back to the community and want to instill that value in our children. She had a great time and her efforts were very appreciated. (Sarah would not have thought of this on her own. I guided her to make this choice.) She had a great time and felt really good about what she did to help.

Sarah doing the hair of one of the actresses.

So, They think they know me....

Our oldest daughter, the one who has just entered adulthood, could have been described by her peers as a bit of a 'goody-goody' growing up. She has always had strong morals and convictions. And she was never usually shy about sharing (or imposing) her beliefs with others.

One time, when she was small, we were in a tiny restaurant. Her Dad was at the counter ordering our food. Sarah & I were waiting in our booth. There was a man sitting at another seat across from us. He was smoking. (This tells you how long ago this was - no public smoking around here anymore.) My darling little girl asks me, (not very discreetly), "Mommy, isn't it rude to smoke around children?"

It was not long before the man chose to move to a another seat.

Sarah was seldom punished and not because I'm a big pushover (I'll admit I am a softy), but because she seldom misbehaved. Our biggest struggle with her was her bossiness. Just ask her brother. Our struggle with our oldest child was to convince her that she was not her brother's mother.

(Being bossy does come naturally; she's a first-born and a girl - what could she do? Okay, I'm a first-born too.)

As she has been moving into adulthood, it has been an opportunity for her to spread her wings (a little). She still wants to know that we approve of her choices. (Even if she chooses otherwise.)

A few months ago she asked our permission for something and her Dad and I said "No". We have not had to tell her "No" very often, merely because she has not often asked to do anything to warrant a "No".

In the past year she has acquired some new friends and acquaintances at work and church. Most of these new friends didn't understand our reason for saying "No" or even why she, being 18, would ask us.

She informed me recently that a boyfriend, of one her friends from work, suggested that she needed to rebel against us. His solution was that she should get a tattoo.
HA HA!! (She laughed too.)
My daughter! A tattoo! My daughter does not like pain of any sort. Her pain tolerance is extremely low. And she avoids needles at all costs. (Fainted at school when she had to get a vaccination.)

On the extreme rare chance that she were to get a tattoo, she would want her Dad to go with her.

She told us so.

And, her Dad...he would be the one who would want the tattoo. Not her. It's certainly not something that goes along with her personality.

I find it amusing that this girl's boyfriend would be concerned for our daughter and the parenting she is receiving. He can't assume to know us. (Thankfully my daughter doesn't go to him for advice.)

It is rare in our culture for families to have open relationships with their teenagers and young adults. Unfortunately, it is not the norm. How could they understand? I'm sure rebellion seemed like a normal solution for this boy.

We often tease Sarah that because she is our first-born, we are practicing on her her. We should have it all figured out by the time Brittany is her age. (Or not.)

Parenting is a learning process. And each stage brings its own unique challenges.

Our children don't always tell us everything..right away..but our Heavenly Father is always with them. (And thankfully, my kids still get 'guilt-gut').

Parenting on Purpose

Psalm 127:3 (NLT)
Children are a gift from the Lord;they are a reward from him.

Our children are given to us to love, nurture and raise into adults. Our responsibility is to lead them into independence.

We begin by teaching them to sleep on their own, eat on their own, walk on their own and to communicate on their own.

We guide them along and teach them to make decisions on their own.

Our divine purpose as parents is to equip our children to be strong, independent and capable adults.

We teach our children how to cross the road and not to talk to strangers. We teach them how to answer the telephone and how to be polite.

When our own children were each in sixth grade, they took the Red Cross babysitting course. It equipped them with skills to take care of other children as well as themselves when left alone. Sometimes it is helpful for children to learn skills from outside sources.

We permitted our children to gain independence from us, while walking at the mall, or down the street, by utilizing two-way radios. This provided reassurance for us and a safety net for them.

The first time we allowed our son to venture off on his own, along with a couple of friends, was when they walked down our country road to the local conservation area. We sent him with a two-way radio so that he could contact us if he needed to. What we didn't anticipate on was the play-by-play that we received. We laughed at the fact that he enjoyed knowing that we were 'right there'.

It was important to us that our children had developed the necessary skills before reaching high school.

We felt that this was vital in order to ensure their safety. We knew that we would not be wise by thinking that we would be protecting them from outside elements without equipping them first. Our children's safety depended on it.

Currently we have one child in elementary school, one in high school and one in college. We are purposely giving our 18 year old daughter opportunities to make independent decisions. She is legally an adult now. Yes, she still lives in our home. But, what a perfect place for her to make mistakes and still be safe. We want her to 'practice' being an adult in the most safe environment available surrounded by people who want nothing but the best for her and nothing less than for her to succeed.

Our goal from the moment our children are born needs to be to raise them into strong, effective adults. Our job is to prepare them for the day when they are on their own. When my children were babies, people would tell me to enjoy them while they are young. At the time it seemed so faraway, but I must say, the time has gone so quickly. I appreciate the fact that my children are still home, but I know that it is for a very short season now.

The daily mothering will come to an end. But, we need to make a conscious choice to celebrate their independence.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Did You Listen?

My teenage daughter Sarah was the only one home today. Everyone else was either working or playing. (It's March break here.)

While at work I began thinking of a couple of things that I could ask Sarah to do for me. She's home so I need to give her something to do, right? They were just little things; empty the dishwasher and fold the towels that are in the dryer. I phoned her up and after I asked how her morning was going, I heard it. The still small voice. "Don't ask her."

I listened. Oh, I don't always. Actually, I don't near enough. But today I did.

Instead of making my daughter feel as though I was only calling to give her some instructions she was able to feel that I was calling just because I love her. The conversation could have been received as a mom who just wanted her daughter to do some work. Instead, a daughter was able to hang up the phone only feeling loved.

My daughter works hard at her part-time job and school. She enjoys a break when she gets the house to herself. I told her to have fun.

Later in the afternoon I called her again. She informed me that she was having a great day. She had cranked up her music (the only one in the house that prefers country). She had watched some tv and......she had emptied the dishwasher. My daughter likes to do things for me, but just like me, she likes to do them without being asked. I'm so glad that I didn't ask her.

When I arrived home, I found out that a real estate agent had called to bring someone through our house. Sarah had ten minutes (which in actuality were only two) to make sure the house was ready for showing. Thankfully it was already clean (as is the requirement when there is a for sale sign in your front yard).

God gave Sarah the day that she needed and He gave me an opportunity to hear His voice. I'm thankful that I listened.

Rhonda Y
1 Kings 19:11-13